Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
