i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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