C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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