Will you blow on my dice?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
