I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
