And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
