five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
