I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
