The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Are my feet made of real feet?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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