pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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