Who did Billy Mays play for?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Randomize
