mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Every concussion has its silver lining
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
