When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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