i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
