Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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