Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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