Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
