a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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