I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
