East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
