I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
