I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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