The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
