Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
