maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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