Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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