I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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