You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
