i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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