My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
