I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
