wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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