Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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