i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
