Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
