And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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