I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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