Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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