i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
