She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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