My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
