At least make sure they are 18
Why
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
