He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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