She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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