I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
