I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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