I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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