I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
