I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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