May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you never un-have a 4some
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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