And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think my moral compass just broke
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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