If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
NoShamevember. You game?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have already put on my inside pants.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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