just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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