hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
