Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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